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Jul. 4th, 2010 03:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
opusculusThere's something about horrible trainwrecks in fiction that keep me reading like nothing else. I picked up Rabbit: Chasing Beth Rider by Ellen Maze because it sounded like an interesting concept. A woman marked by a vampire as all vampires' prey because her best-selling book was accidentally too similar to what the vampires actually are while a cult starts taking over the vampires? Awesome! Unfortunately, this was apparently written as evangelical Christian fiction so...you know, not so awesome in results.
This book was bad in so many ways I don't even know where to start! I think the main character actually manages to be more passive than Bella. Seriously. At least Bella has some kind of desire (to bang Edward and become a vampire rather than getting old and ugly) and is willing to try to act on them. Beth just prays and passively follows around the nearest dominant male. Her reaction to being told that the guy who attacked her was a vampire who marked her as all the vampire's prey and the guy telling her this is a vampire over a century in age himself, who has inexplicably decided to help her despite the fact that it could well kill him? "I trust you because God has all this under control." GOD FORBIDS YOU TO TELL A MANLY MAN HE'S FUCKING CRAZY, DUDES. No wait, dudes can. GOD FORBIDS YOU TO TELL A MANLY MAN HE'S FUCKING CRAZY, LADIES. You need to wait and pray and maybe glare defiantly, but only if they're currently trying to kill you.
Oh, and all vampires mostly only feed on men, because women are too holy and hysterical to feed on, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Except for the semi-good vampires! They can feed on women and maybe eventually get into a non-based on food only relationship. And just to make sure that you do know what I mean (since god forbid you not rub in an analogy), the good vampire character has a creepy stalker art dude for feeding on who's completely into him without ever implying sex, because sex is holy and doesn't belong in this holy novel of godliness. Oh good, a way to include homophobia without ever having to imply anyone's genitals touch. Ever. And people so low as to being willing to donate their blood to a person are inherently lesser beings, totally willing to put up with abuse for the honor of being bled by a vampire once a month. I mean, yeah, abusive relationships happen, but in a group where you only see them once a month? And donating blood makes them sickly and weak and they get nothing out of it and I'm sorry, why are these people donating blood again? OH WAIT BECAUSE ALL NON-CHRISTIANS ARE INHERENTLY DRAWN TO CORRUPTION. HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN.
And did you know that the Bible magically converts whoever reads it? Nope, not just vampires, which I could actually vaguely see considering their traditional weaknesses if the whole idea of them never having been exposed to the Bible when they've lived in Europe for centuries weren't completely absurd. Everyone. Including a Jew who at one point thinks "At the advice of every Jew he knew, Simon avoided the Gentile Bible. Too many Jews fell away after reading it.". YEAH REALLY. And putting Biblical verses in a normal book series is a sneaky way of converting people. And all non-Christians are always inexplicably angry when Christians bring up Christianity. I just. Look. If you haven't the faintest idea how anyone not in your denomination of Christianity views their faith or lack thereof, you are not qualified to write a book about converting people to Christianity. Seriously.
But man there's so much more badness in this it never stops being amazing. The romance is so badly written I actually thought she might not get them together by the end, because there absolutely no interest there. Well, how could there be between a woman who's only stated interest in the whole series is God (and possibly getting martyred for God - srsly dude, wanting to die for God doesn't make the whole wanting to die thing less fucked up), and a dude who's supposed to be a brooding sinful unsaved converted by the power of her holiness and never allowed to actually desire or express an interest in her in any way that isn't about her being oddly pure? I mean, seriously she. ....Actually she kind of reminds me of Lua from Baccano, except with God instead of Ladd. It's the whole incredible passivity, tendency to yield to anyone, and totally willing for the one she loves the most to kill her if it makes them happy. They even look kind of similar. THIS IS A HORRIBLE COMPARISON THAT MAKES ME A HORRIBLE PERSON BUT IT'S STILL TRUE DAMNIT. I've decided that Beth is Lua's granddaughter that got converted to fundamentalist Christianity before she found her Ladd. ...Which I guess actually isn't really any worse than dating Ladd so yay? (Seriously, she even looks like her.)
Oh and when they capture her and start torturing her because that's what you do to someone who's been marked as vampire prey, she passes out immediately from blood loss. For vampires who have presumably got a lot of practice at torturing people, these are some seriously crappy torturers. But then I guess if they'd actually tortured her she wouldn't have been able to drift around being passive and might have actually had to react, which god forbid. Probably literally in this book. I liked how the author totally wrote around having to write out her stirring sermon that converted most the vampire race to Christianity. I mean, it's not like the climactic scene of the book is important or anything.
Is there like, some kind of religious conspiracy to write the worst vampire book out there? Between this and Twilight, I'm starting to wonder.
This book was bad in so many ways I don't even know where to start! I think the main character actually manages to be more passive than Bella. Seriously. At least Bella has some kind of desire (to bang Edward and become a vampire rather than getting old and ugly) and is willing to try to act on them. Beth just prays and passively follows around the nearest dominant male. Her reaction to being told that the guy who attacked her was a vampire who marked her as all the vampire's prey and the guy telling her this is a vampire over a century in age himself, who has inexplicably decided to help her despite the fact that it could well kill him? "I trust you because God has all this under control." GOD FORBIDS YOU TO TELL A MANLY MAN HE'S FUCKING CRAZY, DUDES. No wait, dudes can. GOD FORBIDS YOU TO TELL A MANLY MAN HE'S FUCKING CRAZY, LADIES. You need to wait and pray and maybe glare defiantly, but only if they're currently trying to kill you.
Oh, and all vampires mostly only feed on men, because women are too holy and hysterical to feed on, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Except for the semi-good vampires! They can feed on women and maybe eventually get into a non-based on food only relationship. And just to make sure that you do know what I mean (since god forbid you not rub in an analogy), the good vampire character has a creepy stalker art dude for feeding on who's completely into him without ever implying sex, because sex is holy and doesn't belong in this holy novel of godliness. Oh good, a way to include homophobia without ever having to imply anyone's genitals touch. Ever. And people so low as to being willing to donate their blood to a person are inherently lesser beings, totally willing to put up with abuse for the honor of being bled by a vampire once a month. I mean, yeah, abusive relationships happen, but in a group where you only see them once a month? And donating blood makes them sickly and weak and they get nothing out of it and I'm sorry, why are these people donating blood again? OH WAIT BECAUSE ALL NON-CHRISTIANS ARE INHERENTLY DRAWN TO CORRUPTION. HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN.
And did you know that the Bible magically converts whoever reads it? Nope, not just vampires, which I could actually vaguely see considering their traditional weaknesses if the whole idea of them never having been exposed to the Bible when they've lived in Europe for centuries weren't completely absurd. Everyone. Including a Jew who at one point thinks "At the advice of every Jew he knew, Simon avoided the Gentile Bible. Too many Jews fell away after reading it.". YEAH REALLY. And putting Biblical verses in a normal book series is a sneaky way of converting people. And all non-Christians are always inexplicably angry when Christians bring up Christianity. I just. Look. If you haven't the faintest idea how anyone not in your denomination of Christianity views their faith or lack thereof, you are not qualified to write a book about converting people to Christianity. Seriously.
But man there's so much more badness in this it never stops being amazing. The romance is so badly written I actually thought she might not get them together by the end, because there absolutely no interest there. Well, how could there be between a woman who's only stated interest in the whole series is God (and possibly getting martyred for God - srsly dude, wanting to die for God doesn't make the whole wanting to die thing less fucked up), and a dude who's supposed to be a brooding sinful unsaved converted by the power of her holiness and never allowed to actually desire or express an interest in her in any way that isn't about her being oddly pure? I mean, seriously she. ....Actually she kind of reminds me of Lua from Baccano, except with God instead of Ladd. It's the whole incredible passivity, tendency to yield to anyone, and totally willing for the one she loves the most to kill her if it makes them happy. They even look kind of similar. THIS IS A HORRIBLE COMPARISON THAT MAKES ME A HORRIBLE PERSON BUT IT'S STILL TRUE DAMNIT. I've decided that Beth is Lua's granddaughter that got converted to fundamentalist Christianity before she found her Ladd. ...Which I guess actually isn't really any worse than dating Ladd so yay? (Seriously, she even looks like her.)
Oh and when they capture her and start torturing her because that's what you do to someone who's been marked as vampire prey, she passes out immediately from blood loss. For vampires who have presumably got a lot of practice at torturing people, these are some seriously crappy torturers. But then I guess if they'd actually tortured her she wouldn't have been able to drift around being passive and might have actually had to react, which god forbid. Probably literally in this book. I liked how the author totally wrote around having to write out her stirring sermon that converted most the vampire race to Christianity. I mean, it's not like the climactic scene of the book is important or anything.
Is there like, some kind of religious conspiracy to write the worst vampire book out there? Between this and Twilight, I'm starting to wonder.
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Date: 2010-07-05 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-06 05:23 am (UTC)