opusculus: Digital Devil Saga's Cielo/Dyaus flying in a blue sky (Blue sky in flight)
[personal profile] opusculus
Okay so, I have completely failed on my New Years Resolution regarding exercise! I am largely whatever on that because honestly I don't really do New Years Resolutions, but it did get me at least think about why I'm apparently so determined to avoid my gym.

So basically, what I realized is that, as much as I enjoy the workouts at my gym and how theoretically they actually are completely scalable from person to person - in practice, the gym has a very strong culture of encouraging everyone to do a little more than they think they could. ...In strict moderation, this could be a good thing! But in practice, I think this results in people who are at the bottom of the fitness scale being pushed too hard and too fast to quite take it up without damage.

I've quit going two or three times aready, but the time most illustrative of my problem was when I quit because I was sore 24/7 and being pushed to do one more pushup on the wall when I could no longer do pushups even of my upper torso in order to complete the set was the final straw. I do best with an expected structure and people around me expecting me to do it, and I'm willing to push myself to within a certain degree. I enjoy pushing myself and people encouraging me to push myself can be fine! But the fastest way to make me go no and also fuck you is to push me slightly too hard on anything, and I think that's what my gym was doing without me realizing it because apparently in my mind that's what exercise is about. Which, you know. No and also fuck that shit.

So. Part of me really wants to go back even despite that! I really love the theoretical scaledness and pushing myself within my limits and the focus on strength and the fact that it's never the same twice. Buuuut realistically I don't think dealing with people trying to push me past my limits, even with the best of intentions, is a remotely good idea. I don't need to start going fuck you no in regards to exercise again. I kind of want to write them an email explaining what my problem is and why, because I think overall it's a tiny gym owned by pretty nice people and if they listen I think it could help other people, but on a personal level I think I'll go in tomorrow and cancel my subscription.

Bah. Now I don't know what I'm going to do about exercise.
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opusculus: Black hole (Default)

January 2012

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